Axis of Beebles*

Forwarding Address

2011-12-15T13:39:00.001-06:00

Hey any straggling Axis readers who may still be stopping by, after way too much agonizing about what to do next, I finally decided to relax and have some fun on the Internet. My friend Sarah and I have just started publishing a new blog called Jukebox Holiday. We'd love to have you join us there.
JSJ

My Awesome Future is Now

2011-07-22T09:12:00.002-05:00

Mr. Double Digits

Today my oldest turns ten years old. This is big for both of us.

He had a tough entry into the world on a couple of levels, and I had an equally tough time handling new motherhood. (I've written just a little bit about this on the NYT's consistently readable Motherlode blog; you can read it here.)

For the sake of the kid's privacy I'm not going to go into great detail, but let's just say we did not have much fun those first six months. It was not the kid's fault. It was instead a perfect storm of inexperience, unpreparedness, colic, passivity on the part of nearby adults, and hormonal malaise. Oh, and I liked to stay up late, and the kid liked to wake up at 5 AM. Like I said, not fun.

We have fun now, though, and lots of it. He is such a special kid, so sweet, creative, funny, and competent. He has a big heart and a fantastic brain. He is training with his dad for a kids' triathlon. So today I'm celebrating what a wonderful kid I have and how far we've come together.

I know some people love the baby stage of parenthood, and to those sweet folks I can only say this: what color is the sky in your world? But for those who are like me let me reassure you, it gets better. So much better. Night-and-day better. In fact, we need to do an "It Gets Better" series for overwhelmed new moms, don't you think?

Although not officially part of my imaginary new series, this bit from Dooce, which gave me the title for this post, would fit right in.

Mexico, July 2011

Happy birthday, Clyde. We love you the most.

My Virtual Twins

2011-07-20T14:39:00.002-05:00

Christmastime in Houston, December 2010

How old are your kids?

I get asked this all the time. Do you? I guess it's an easy, innocuous conversation starter that can go in any direction depending on the number cited in reply: just commiserate about (or celebrate) the quirks of that particular stage, and you're off.

But I digress.

When people ask me my kids' ages, I say, "Two of them are eight and one of them is nine." (At least I'll say that until this Friday when my oldest will turn 10.) Then the questioner, as soon he or she gets over the shock of all my children being almost exactly the same age, invariably says this:

"Oh, you have twins?"

I never know how to respond to this, because effectively, yes, I have twins. They're in the same grade at the same school and participate in many of the same activities. They play hide and seek together. They bicker ferociously. They compete for my attention. They occasionally camp out on the floor in each other's bedrooms. They share friends.

But are they fraternal, or identical? Neither. They are three months apart in age, and one of them was born in China. For a pretty comprehensive take on what the virtual twins life is like, read this post on Raising Devils, which details some of the pitfalls, as well as the perks: I particularly appreciated the author's riff on Candyland ("I only had so many games of Candyland in me, and I my oldest child exhausted them five years ago"), which describes my usual position on the matter and reminded me of this quote from Anna Quindlen:

Maybe I had three children in the first place so I wouldn't ever have to play board games.*

I actually like some board games quite a bit, but when it comes to some of the more excruciating (for me) activities of childhood (see tic tac toe), it's great to be able to say, "Go find your brother/sister. Maybe s/he wants to play!" Sometimes it even works.

Visiting the Bejing Zoo, July 2009

*From this essay, "The Good Enough Mother," which is totally me, or at least I like to think it is.

Second Anniversary

2011-07-15T09:42:00.000-05:00

I'm not supposed to post here anymore, or at least I said I wasn't going to after we reached the one year anniversary of our adoption, but I think I'm going to resume doing so. In the interim I've been doing plenty of freelance writing, some of which you can read here and here, along with some things like this, but I miss having my own blog home. I don't think it will be primarily an adoption blog, or even a straight-up mom blog, but I like the name Axis of Beebles, so I think I'll keep it. Despite the disclaimers, however, my first post back is both adoption- and mom-related. I wrote it last week on the second anniversary of our "Gotcha Day."

Jackson Hole, Wyoming—July 2011

I don't think I've been this proud of my daughter since the day we met. Which just so happens was two years ago today. Though I'm not entirely sure how it happened, I woke up this morning to find myself signed up for a ten-mile bike ride with Mark, the kids and my dad. We're on a weeklong family vacation in Jackson Hole, and while I do my best to stay in reasonable shape, a ten-mile anything is definitely outside my comfort zone. But lured by promises of easy terrain and wonderful scenery—and to set a good example for the kids—I agreed, and off we went.

The ride turned out to be harder than any of us thought it would be, and though I tolerated the challenge I worried about Rosemary. She's so small, and had never attempted anything remotely like this before. I needn't have worried, though, as she faced this new challenge with her characteristic determination and (intermittent) optimism. After a somewhat bumpy start for her and my other young one, she attacked the task with concentration, pride, and sometimes even enthusiasm. Her little legs had to move so fast to keep up with me even at my slowest, but she stayed positive until the very end.

Which took me back to that afternoon in the conference room of the Beijing businessman's hotel. She was so brave that day, scared but seemingly optimistic that things were going to go well. Which, of course, was to a large degree a self-fulfilling prophecy. She was so game, so up for anything. Which considering the cataclysm of change that befell her that day, is quite something.

But back to the bike ride. Occasionally she'd call out "Mom!" and I'd say yes, right here, right behind you, are you ok? And thus reassured that I was still there her she'd reply confidently, "Yes! Family stays together, waits for each other."

Rosemary, I couldn't have said it better myself. We're so glad you're part of our family.

Beijing, China—July 2009

On July 5, 2009...

2010-07-05T21:47:00.015-05:00

We met our daughter in Beijing, China. She was six-and-a-half. Last night we went to dinner at Fung's Kitchen to celebrate the milestone. We ordered the family combo meal, and though we probably should've been tipped off by the fact that it was described on the menu only in Chinese, we weren't. So we ended up with a dinner like so many we had in China, composed of things we couldn't identify with certainty, and also a severed chicken head, which regrettably, we could.

Perhaps in retrospect we should've had pizza, since Papa John's was our first meal as a family of five. Apparently it is the custom to give the new families quiet bonding time in their hotel rooms while the guide fetches pizza. I do love pizza, and so does little miss.

So I guess now it's time to say goodbye. Sadly, this is it for the Axis for the forseeable future. I've really enjoyed posting here, but have scruples about publicizing my kids' lives on the Internet, so I have to sign off. I have so appreciated everyone's encouragement and support over the last year; all your comments and emails really made a difference. You can still reach me at the email address listed on this blog if you ever need me; especially if you want to talk about older child/special needs adoption. I'd love to help.

PS: I'd hoped to have my new website set up by now to share with you, but I'm not quite ready. I'll leave it here, as a forwarding address of sorts, when it's available.

A Brief Clarification

2010-07-04T09:27:00.005-05:00

An astute reader commented after my "Yippee Skippee" post that she assumes things are not always hearts and rainbows around our house. This is an absolute fact. I generally figure that goes without saying, because whose life is always like that? Mine's not.

This morning, for example, meltdowns have been more the order of the day than hearts and rainbows. But it's early yet; here's hoping....

Yippee Skippee!

2010-07-02T15:05:00.003-05:00

A year ago today, we got on an airplane to bring this darling girl home from China. We were scared to death, as I'm sure she was too. Here's what things are like today:

I'll post again on Monday, our "Gotcha Day" anniversary, which will be my last post here on the Axis. I hope by then to be able to leave some breadcrumbs to my next online home.

Six Months Home

2010-01-26T20:39:00.008-06:00

Six months ago tonight we arrived at Houston Intercontinental Airport on a Continental flight from Hong Kong, ending our once-in-a-lifetime China journey to bring our daughter home. I remember how she stayed up all night that first night, and though I could hardly blame her, I regretted that I was doing a poor job of keeping my eyes open to help her take stock of her new home. Fortunately, we all survived and now sleep through the night quite well, thank you very much.

We celebrated with dinner at Auntie Chang's Dumpling House, selected for its strategic location between home and Joel's school, where we were headed for open house night. RJ took no notice of the occasion and had her usual very, very busy day. She spent it attending school, scooter riding, writing a letter to her grandparents, and asking me for tips on how to spell everyday English words and pronounce the phrase "flip flops."

We ended as we have most nights lately, by reading The Three Little Pigs and then having a chat about how our house is a strong one too, no big bad wolves need apply. Then it's time for a little extra discussion about what tomorrow will hold, counting down the days until Saturday (no school!), and lights out.

Have I mentioned how great we all think she is?

New Post on the New York Times' Motherlode Blog

2009-12-30T15:14:00.002-06:00

I've been noodling with this piece for a long time, ambivalent as my patient readers well know about whether to publish. This week, I went for it. We can discuss more about why in days to come, if anybody's interested.

In the meantime I'm visiting friends and preparing to relish all the end-of-the-decade music shows that are bound to be airing tomorrow.

Talk to y'all soon.

Fall Foliage Fun

2009-12-30T09:49:00.006-06:00

Seriously, what has gotten into Houston these days? Sure, we had winter and fall out of order, but they did arrive nonetheless.

RJ is going to get spoiled and think we actually have four seasons around here...

"Put this on Your Mom Blog"

2009-12-26T10:53:00.002-06:00

Just following the president's instructions....

Rosemary's First Christmas in Houston

2009-12-25T11:27:00.003-06:00

It was one of those Houston winter days that make me so happy. Clear, cold and relentlessly sunny. The kids enjoyed their $6 wooden airplanes in the yard while the grownups struggled to reach full consciousness via large amounts of coffee in front of the fireplace.

She'd gone to bed on Christmas Eve a bit overwhelmed and out of sorts--we'd celebrated the traditional South Texas Christmas feast and exchanged gifts with my extended family that evening--but woke up happy, and fully embraced her first American Christmas. A good time was had by all.

A Star is Born

2009-12-21T10:07:00.004-06:00

I can't believe I convinced all 3 kids to enact my role of choice in the annual Christmas pageant. Our church has the best star costumes.

Oh, and she tried roller skating for the first time and was charmed by it. So was I. Why haven't I done this in the last 25 years?

Holiday Craft Time

2009-12-18T10:20:00.004-06:00

This is by far the weirdest thing that has happened since we adopted Rosemary:

I've become the type of person who volunteers to cook things. Sometimes it doesn't work out (user error doomed the sugar cookie dough I made for the cub scout outing; had to stop at Whole Foods on the way to the retirement center), but the point is that I have the inclination, and somehow manage to make the time.

Oh, I've had my DIY moments in the past, like that time I tried to learn the electric bass, or when I made that dress out of plaid fabric from Wal Mart (looks bad here but it fits nicely!),

but it seems my recent projects have taken on a more....domestic flavor.

Want proof? I am seriously considering doing this tomorrow:

Via Abbey Goes Design Scouting.

I'm scared.

If They Asked Me, I Could Write A Book

2009-12-15T14:58:00.005-06:00

In fact, I have been asked. Not to write an entire book, but to contribute an essay to one, and to contribute to blogs that would disperse the story of our family far and wide across the Internets. And I have been writing, to the tune of thousands of words, but I just can't bring myself to hit the send button.

Because there is so much to tell, but most of it does not belong to me alone, but to my three fantastic kids. Once I put it out there it's part of their Google forever, you know?

Which sucks, honestly, because writing is what I do, and this is the story of a lifetime. But for the moment, I'm sitting on it.

Beijing Christmas

2009-12-03T13:52:00.006-06:00

These super cool people are in Beijing this week. Their first daughter from China was adopted last year, and they will add their second and third daughters this Christmas season. They stayed at our Beijing Hotel, the Poly Plaza, so their blog is really bringing back a lot of memories....

Photo: Our guide telling Xi Juan her English name, Rosemary, for the first time in the Beijing Olympic village, while Joel looks on.

UPDATE: Looks like they've now left Beijing for Chongquing, so you have to click back a few days for all the Beijing photos. Which of course you'll want to do to read their whole awesome story.

All She Wants for Christmas

2009-12-01T17:36:00.001-06:00

....is her two front teeth. And an Easy Bake Oven. Seriously.

Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-30T14:37:00.007-06:00

We had a great one. RJ was still recovering from surgery and adjusting to her new back brace, which is sort of a drag as she'll have to wear it for the next 3-4 months, hopefully to be liberated right around spring break, when we are known for disappearing to Austin and/or, occasionally, points even farther west.

But the upside of her convalescence is that we were forced to stay close to home, which led to a calm and relaxed pace. A few strategic outings include the Houston Thanksgiving Day Parade and her first visit to Hermann Park, which as the locals among you will be aware was an important milestone. We rode the paddle boats, indulged in sliders @ the new lakeside Little Big's, and did karate kid impersonations in front of the Sam Houston statue.

Plus my sis-in-law & mother-in-law cooked, and they are GOOD COOKS. We brought dessert.

Before and After.

2009-11-20T08:24:00.005-06:00

The birthday girl, pre-second surgery.

Some compunctions that I can't quite name are preventing me from posting the before and after X-Rays of Rosemary's spine. I guess it just doesn't seem cool to me to post someone else's medical information on the internets. But I so wish I felt that I could. The change is so dramatic. Her spine is so much straighter.

We are home.

She turned 7.

Decimated cake served at the "monkey party" I threw together for her friends from school

She's lost her two front teeth. (I'll try to get a picture of this for all of you but I'm pretty sure it won't be easy, as it would require smiling directly at the camera, which she's not so into lately.)

One of a dozen or so shots where we try to get a pic with our girl on her birthday, and she tries valiantly to escape. This may be the best one we got.

So I guess we're caught up now, at least on the basics of this careening life of ours. Perhaps some more details will trickle out as time and my compunctions permit.

Priorities

2009-11-18T11:42:00.006-06:00

Number one with a bullet on the priorities list, along with her cute brothers.

I've been thinking a lot about priorities lately, thoughts mostly spurred by this insightful and humorous post on the subject. The gist of it is that priorities cannot be assigned to things, they can only be observed in action. Whatever you did first this morning, that was your priority. That thing that's been languishing at the so-called "top" of your to-do list for the last six months? Not.

What's great about this is how it helps you clarify what you really want and need to get done, and see whether or not you are taking the necessary steps--even if they're baby steps--toward those goals. Now I realize that there is a yawning chasm of literature on efficiency and productivity out there, and I'm not quite ready to jump in and embark on a full-scale GTD makeover of my life. Not yet, anyway, but I've realized I do need a better plan.

When you wake up and realize you have a house to run and three kids to parent and a (very) part time job that needs way more of you and maybe some other writing gigs you'd like to do on the side, well that can be a tad overwhelming, and it can be a lot easier to just sit down with the newspaper or hit the blogs and let all that stressful stuff slide for just one more day.

But if I'm keeping an ongoing inventory of all those real priorities and the possible ways to move each one forward a little bit each day, it helps narrow down the answers to the question "What should I do now?" from a million or so to a couple dozen. Which is somewhere to start, at least.

The Week in Pictures, in Semi-Random Order

2009-11-16T19:22:00.007-06:00

Yesterday RJ started feeling pretty good for the first time since her surgery. Thus we were able to leave her floor and the no-sibling-swine-flu-quarantine-zone for a little reunion with her brothers, who she hasn't seen since last Thursday.

Upon seeing them she high-tailed it back towards her room, and I thought the visit was over before it started, until she grabbed her bag of cotton candy, which she'd tried for the first time ever earlier that afternoon. She was on a mission to share.

Bringing cotton candy to visiting brothers.

Visiting brothers.

Getting her a chair-hair-wash. Cute but unhappy being photographed.

A tree covered in netting in the Med Center between our room and Chipotle, where one can go for good guacamole and tolerable margaritas if someone else is briefly minding little miss.

After taking Saturday night off while various grandmas cared for all the various kids. When this happens, there is no discussion about how Sunday morning will be spent. It's understood: cut church and head to Brasil with the Sunday Times. I always get the Big Waffle with Fruit, and read the Magazine first.

Oh, and I hope no one is disappointed not to see any out-the-window pics of cranes this time. We got, weirdly, the exact same room we had last time, leaving me bereft of a new or interesting view to photograph. I guess I could have continued my study of St. Luke's Hospital, a la that cathedral series that Monet did, but somehow I just didn't have it in me.

Quick Update from the 11th Floor, Texas Children's Hospital

2009-11-13T23:21:00.003-06:00

We've been in the hospital since 10 am so no energy for posting just now; instead I'll let my dad's update to his distribution list sum things up:

Dear Friends and Family of Rosemary,

Rosemary entered the 2nd phase of her surgery at 2:30 pm today and we received several updates during the day that the process was progressing well. About 9:15 pm Dr. Bill Phillips came in and told us that the surgery had gone very well. He also took the time to show us the before and after X-rays of her spine. The transformation is remarkable and while she has a lengthy recuperation ahead of her, it appears that the result will be more than we could have hoped for. She will be in the hospital until at least mid-next week and then possibly in a brace for a while but the prognosis for her long-term recovery is very good. We visited her briefly in the recovery room and while she was recovering from the anesthetic she was still her angelic self.

We are so fortunate to have the exceptional Texas Children's Hospital Team, led by Dr. Phillips, taking care of Rosemary and appreciate all the prayers and support of Rosemary's family and friends.

Yes, what he said. Good night.

Found on the Hard Drive, Guangzhou Version

2009-11-10T08:54:00.006-06:00

Taken while Skype-ing with grandparents....

As Big As She Is?

2009-11-08T15:04:00.001-06:00

On the road home from Austin.

Eating: ice cream & twizzlers
Listening: Louris/Olson & Delta Spirit
Thinking: wish we could just keep going.....

On the Way

2009-11-03T10:07:00.001-06:00

Walking to school is cool.

Someone's Been Googling Me*

2009-10-30T13:23:00.005-05:00

Not a stalker, just a friend. She pointed out that I missed another post about us & the Axis here, earlier this summer. I still find it funny that our adoption story caused such a little mini-controversy.

Strange funny, not haha funny.

I mean, what's not to like about this situation?

*And yes, that is a Coke she's holding in the above pic. Special dispensation for Halloween parties, and because her doctor has instructed us to get as many calories into her as we can. She lost a few pounds that she didn't have to lose while in TCH.

Three Months

2009-10-28T11:53:00.003-05:00

We've been home three months this past Monday.

How's she doing, you ask?

Pretty darn great, but far from perfect. There are mild behavioral issues, some attachment stuff, and just the usual kid management hurdles, but overall, she's fit in wonderfully. It's hard to believe all that she has accomplished, especially given that in the last three months we've moved house, settled three kids into three schools (two of them new), and completed her first major spinal surgery.

Um, welcome to America, Rosemary?

She must think we're totally insane, which, of course, we are. But we're hoping and planning for a much calmer way of life come the new year, after her second and we hope final surgery on November 13, her seventh birthday on November 17, and the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays.

Then January. Breathe.

Then we get a new dog. Because we lost Louise in June, and for us, life without beagles is just a little bit bleaker.

Then the new-new-new-new-new-new normal, with just a dash of special sauce, can start.

Home and Happy

2009-10-21T15:37:00.000-05:00

For now, at least.

Ma, Stop It!

2009-10-19T19:16:00.006-05:00

She's back.

So far today I have been told to "stop it" for the infractions of: talking to my mom at a normal volume, texting with that click click noise the iPhone makes, and clicking my shutter as I took yet more pictures of the Med Center at sundown, among other things. This is apparently interfering with her beauty sleep, and we just can't have that. I even got a couple of "fun-ye"s this morning, so I guess the Little Firecracker is returning to form.

Which is the good news.

Now for the (sort of) bad news: RJ's second (and final) surgery won't be completed this week, due to a pesky fever and some elevated liver enzymes, whatever those are. So they will be discharging us in the next day or two, provided we can kick the fever, and wait until she is totally recovered (maybe early Nov.) for the next surgery.

Though we didn't want to put her through a whole separate second round of this, both RJ and I are ready to come home, so I'm not particularly sorry we're not about to embark on a second week or more of confinement here.

Tonight she was well enough to visit our floor's playroom, and picked out a See and Say to bring back to the room. Which is perfect for a girl rapidly learning English, and a delightful walk down memory lane for her mom.

Photo by Flickrer Jek-a-go-go.

Since I'm Sure You're Way Tired of My Med Center Photography

2009-10-18T16:21:00.003-05:00

Audio from last week, pre-hospitalization.

Friday in the Hospital

2009-10-16T13:26:00.004-05:00

Feeling better. Receiving numerous well-wishers.

Tolerating mom's ongoing obsession with the changing moods of the Texas Medical Center.

How's this for weird: I'm posting this Friday update on Saturday, having gone home for the night to see the boys while Mark stayed with RJ. And when I returned this morning? Crestfallen to discover I'd left my camera at the house.

Because nothing screams for documentation like an extended hospital stay, right?

Thursday in the Hospital

2009-10-15T13:35:00.006-05:00

Presents from friends and family, a sleepy and uncomfortable girl, and more progress on the construction of the new Texas Children's Hospital maternity center.

We were able to switch from a our room facing Fannin, the major medical center travel corridor, to one on the back side of the hospital, so I had to relinquish my fabulous view in hopes of having a better night's sleep tonight.

Crane noise notwithstanding, they are taking very good care of us over here. Texas Children's is so great, it's almost worth getting pregnant again so I can take advantage of having a baby here when it opens in 2011.

Please note that I said ALMOST. If by some remote chance we have any more children, they will come to us by plane, the way God intended.

From the Department of Regrettable Situations

2009-10-14T21:42:00.003-05:00

UPDATE: Just found out the cranes do clank all night. They, in fact, don't even start their very loud clanking in earnest until after sundown, which apparently has something to do with staying out of the way of rush hour traffic.

For crying out loud.

"The Battle is Not Won All at One Fight."

2009-10-14T20:37:00.003-05:00

--our anesthesiologist.

Despite spending almost 8 hours in the operating room today, Rosemary's surgery could not be completed as we hoped it would be. The doctors were successful in getting done a lot of what they wanted to do, but a series of obstacles prevented them from finishing, and out of an abundance of caution they decided to call it a day and finish the remainder of the surgery when her body is ready for it, possibly as soon as next week.

So for the foreseeable future I'm here with my girl and my other essentials, camera and laptop*. I was really glad to have the former when I walked into our room this evening and saw this view. After getting settled and procuring her an all-important popsicle, RJ and I took a moment to watch the sun set over the Med Center neighborhood and glimpse the cranes at work on the exciting next phase of our children's hospital's development.

It's sort of a beautiful sight. Though I can still hear the cranes clanking about tonight as I write at almost 9 pm, and I'm not sure how beautiful I will think it all is if they don't stop soon.

*And a contraband Kindle technically belonging to my husband. But he gets to sleep in his own bed tonight, so I figure it evens out.

Images of Beijing

2009-10-12T12:15:00.002-05:00

Not by me.

Oh, And There's Also This

2009-10-10T08:40:00.006-05:00

This pair of boots was one of the first presents I ever received for RJ. And they fit! And she loves them! That's right, she's not from Texas, but Texas wants her anyway.

More From the Weirdly Hot Fall

2009-10-10T08:11:00.004-05:00

I posted one photo from it before, but we had a weirdly hot last weekend of September and early October here in Htown and its environs. So our fall football weekend in Austin with friends turned into more of a end-of-summer hurrah, most of which I spent in my bathing suit, a sight with which I will not tax you. Instead, here's a shot of the poolside stash that kept me happy as a clam all weekend long.

So glad I got these snaps of RJ and friends enjoying Indian summer. Here she is requesting sunglasses.

Here she is, not having acquired any of her own, making use of mine, and paging through the J. Crew catalog. Oops, looks like I'm transmitting my vices to her already....

There Is Only One TV Show

2009-10-09T17:44:00.001-05:00

That all of my very-different-from-each-other children will watch
together.

And it is the Smurfs.

Hmm.

Diving In

2009-10-06T10:55:00.002-05:00

RJ will have scoliosis surgery next week, if the second opinion we receive tomorrow doesn't throw us off track. We'll be in Texas Children's for 1-2 weeks. If all goes well she should be out in time to wear the Cinderella Halloween costume she swooned over at CVS this morning. And which, of course, I promptly purchased.

Vignette

2009-10-01T11:29:00.000-05:00

Shrimp tacos, El Rey Taqueria, 11:29 am.

Found on the Flickr Photostream

2009-09-30T17:42:00.002-05:00

This was taken on our flight from Guangzhou to Hong Kong. The kids sat happily together for about ten minutes, before a flight attendant informed us they couldn't sit three across in the row. It was fun while it lasted, though.

I know I've said this before, but let me say it again. Hong Kong is incredible. Landing there over the water was maybe my favorite airplane moment of all time. If you get the opportunity to go, take my advice, and don't pass it up.

Enjoying Ice Cream at "Texas Fight"

2009-09-26T17:25:00.000-05:00

RJ Gets Bangs, and A Gross Oversight

2009-09-24T11:38:00.002-05:00

She used her fake-mad expression the whole time, but I'm pretty sure she likes them.

Afterwards she asked me, through pantomime, for a hairbow, and I was struck dumb by my own obliviousness.

All this time waiting for a little girl, and I forgot about hair bows?

So now I need to know, internets, and fast: where do I get some hairbows (and ribbons)?

Little Sheep

2009-09-22T08:53:00.005-05:00

In the costume Joel wore in last year's St. John's Christmas pageant (made by their grandmother). Wait 'till she finds out she can be a star or an angel this year if she wants to......

A Little Mommy Blogging for the Road: Bingo, Dim Sum, and You're Annoying Me!

2009-09-20T20:54:00.012-05:00

I suppose while I'm here I can share a little more with all of you in the way of details about what RJ's been up to. She's jumping rope, a lot. Which I love--and it's a good thing, as I am often required to share the jumprope for a little tandem jumping action. She's building Lego towers, "camping" in the kitchen in Joel's cowboy tent, and counting down how many days are left in the school week on her fingers.

Oh, and she likes to play Bingo.

Which is not at all surprising, as she is way into counting and spelling in English right now (here she is breaking something down for her paternal grandma, who's visiting from Colorado this week).

Oh, and then there's this. Today we went out for a delicious dim sum lunch with some Chinese friends, and they were able to enlighten us as to the nature of a certain invective she casts upon anyone in the family who crosses her. Ever since we got home, during times of conflict--yes, we do have them--she says something that sounds to us like "fun-ye." At times she has said it with such a look of disdain that I was honestly afraid to find out what it meant. I've had my money on "I hate you," but feared it could have been something even worse. But today I couldn't resist my curiosity, so we asked. Turns out fun-ye means something along the lines of, "You're annoying me!"

Which I thought was just fabulous. I've always said she's a very civilized girl, and this confirms it. The horrible thing she's been shouting at me in times of extreme stress? At what must be the most difficult time in her young life?

"You're annoying me!" So reasonable. So accurate. So fair.

I just love this little girl.

A Week Without Posting?

2009-09-20T20:44:00.003-05:00

How did that happen? Of course we are really busy around here, but I don't think that's the only reason.

I never really intended to be a long-term mommy blogger, just chronicling the ups and downs of life with three kids. Which is what this will become if I don't veer off into some of the more interesting personal issues that our specific situation raises. I'm a big fan of women who do this, including this one, and this other one. I think it's very good for mothers who are really struggling, and assume that they are the only ones who have problems, to find out that they most definitely are not.

Which I would be totally up for, except that it would require revealing a lot of details that I'm pretty sure my kids would prefer I keep to myself. So forgive the (temporary?) silence. I'm busy plotting my next move, taking an online course on multimedia journalism, working on the Hometta podcasts, and--oh yeah--raising the three kids.

But don't go away mad, Axis readers. In fact, don't go away at all. I will be back here soon in some form, with cute photos. As soon as she gets out from behind the camera herself and lets me take some.

Joel, Stop It!

2009-09-13T09:16:00.009-05:00

...is RJ's new favorite phrase and longest English sentence to date. Yes, they're bickering. Not sharing nicely. Constantly summoning me to settle disputes. But still bunking together in the set of red twin beds in RJ's room. Which is enough to give me confidence that underneath it all, they're still new siblings in love like they were in China.

It may be working in my favor that I decided to go with red and yellow for her room instead of pink; I'm guessing it's more comfortable for Joel than a full-on princess palace.

Also: she won't let me take her picture much lately, which has led to something of a drought in the bloggable-photo department. She starts doing something cute, I grab the camera, but not fast enough: I end up with something like this:

For me to get a good photo of her anymore, she has to be having so much fun that she doesn't mind the intrusion. Which happened at our church's annual back-to-school fair yesterday, when she enjoyed--and I mean enjoyed--her first time in a bouncy house-type contraption. Both of my boys have always been lukewarm about them, despite (or because of?) their ubiquity in certain circles we sometimes travel in.

But this one? She was so excited, and suddenly I had a new tolerance for the infernal things. Enlarge the pic if you can for a glimpse at how she's working on writing her name on her nametag.

Swinging While A Brother Plays Football

2009-09-12T14:35:00.000-05:00

Siblings In A Box!

2009-09-09T17:07:00.001-05:00

An all-time rainy day classic .....

For It's Texas That We Love Best

2009-09-06T22:09:00.007-05:00

Five weeks ago, Rosemary Juen became an American citizen in Newark, New Jersey. Yesterday, she officially became a citizen of the Republic of Texas.

I have been waiting for this since before she even joined the family: the first trip to Austin, "the lake," and other essential Texas destinations.

And, yes, the first University of Texas football game, for which she was ridiculously--but adorably, I must add--overdressed by her grandmother.

She loved every minute of it (look closely, so you don't miss the pom poms).

We capped things off with a visit to meet her great-grandfather.

Now oftentimes, the things you imagine doing with your kids don't turn out like you'd envisioned them. Reality is so pesky that way. But sometimes it happens--those little fantasies turn out more or less like you'd hoped. And sometimes, you even remember to bring your camera.

Rosemary's First Trip to the Lake House

2009-09-05T13:33:00.003-05:00

Later tonight.....Texas Fight!

The Pleasant Goat and the Big Bad Wolf

2009-09-03T22:14:00.006-05:00

Or, the Pleasant Goat and the Bad Bad Wolf

I've heard different stories about what this Chinese cartoon is actually called. But we watched a lot of it while we were there, and brought home two puzzles depicting its characters. One or the other of which RJ and I now work every day after she gets home from school--or, more accurately, after she gets home and eats a big bowl of goldfish crackers.

Luckily I like working puzzles, but I am tiring a little of the goat, pleasant though he may be. I have tried to interest her in other puzzles, but none have struck her fancy lately. Hmm, I bet there are Hello Kitty puzzles out there somewhere, time to go find one.

In the meantime, we have also been doing lots of this:

Rosemary is thrilled with her new pink scooter, and upon seeing it in its box busted out one of her new English phrases, which she's found lots of use for since learning:

"My turn!"

Virtually Normal?

2009-09-02T18:15:00.007-05:00

One of the things that other adoptive moms told me when we were deliberating whether to take this step was that if we chose to adopt, we would become different. Conspicuous. Shuttled into another category of family than the ones we spend most of our time among.

And while I suppose this may have happened from the perspectives of others, from here inside our house, it looks to me like things went the other way. There were a lot of things I feared pre-China, a lot of lifestyle changes I imagined, but I didn't include among them this...

(by which I mean cooking proper family dinners)

and this....

(by which I mean engaging in team-type sports in the front yard).

RJ goes out for a pass.

So as you can see, the jump from 2 to 3 kids has somehow provoked a long-slumbering domesticity among the adults around here. Which is nice, so far. But surely we haven't gone totally straight; perhaps the presence of Southern Culture on the Skids playing as the evening's background music shows that we've stayed just weird enough for government work???

Famous Artists?

2009-09-01T16:43:00.007-05:00

Though I have found myself frequently serving as a spokesperson for older child adoption lately, I often question what I'm doing here, in this online forum. There are several good reasons for the existence of this blog: to keep our family and friends up to date, to allow me a regular space to do a little writing, and to encourage adoption, just for starters.

But will I later regret compromising my family's privacy? I try to be as discreet as I can around these parts, but will the kids, when they're older, object even to the limited information I've shared here? To the photos? Like I said, I try to consider their feelings, and not post anything about them that I wouldn't want posted about myself.

And being of the generation that came of age post-Facebook, perhaps they will think it's the most natural thing in the world. Then there's the consideration that, if they all become famous artists, the world will be a little richer for this record of their early lives.

Second Week of School

2009-08-31T09:12:00.008-05:00

Just between you, me, and the lamppost, I feel like I've gotten away with something here. Was it really just 5 weeks ago that we were all in China? Touring the Summer Palace,

spending all our days with total strangers,

including a daughter we had never met before?

Now we're home, as you well know, and while we haven't yet reached the point of totally-normal, can't-remember-life-without-her-ness, still.... Everyone is getting up each morning, eating breakfast and heading off to school, just like everything is, in fact, totally normal.

What is that the kids are calling it these days? The new normal?

We still have a lot of work to do with our integration project, of course, but I've been pleasantly surprised to find that the work fits in pretty well to our family life already in progress. And with the school thing going well, let's just say I'm having that "pinch me" feeling all over again.

So in addition to my mommy work, which is of course considerable, it looks like I'll have time for helping out around the family business, as well as losing what I have now come to think of as baby weight. During the June swine-flu-vigil I took to self-medicating with all sorts of over-the-counter stuff, if you know what I mean. Time to undo all that.

The RJ Report

2009-08-28T21:46:00.010-05:00

Just realized I had two posts in a row with no RJ news or photos, a circumstance upon which I expect her public will frown. This was taken last week, at her first checkup with our pediatrician. It went great, mostly because her big brother was along for a checkup as well, and set a good example, which she followed.

And this week? Overall, a very successful first week of school. I got an email from her teacher today saying that Rosemary is "always smiling" at school, and really, what more could I ask for?

The Opposite House

2009-08-28T14:56:00.006-05:00

More catch-up stuff: I recall posting a couple of times on the Opposite House in Beijing, where we enjoyed great food, friendly service, western-style cocktails and international newspapers (oh, halleluja), but I just discovered some photos of it on my computer and thought I'd share. Didn't capture the striking exterior, but here are a couple of shots of the contemporary art within (the one below by Rosemary, who loved this piece).

Below is a photo snapped in the House's surrounding neighborhood, the Sanliturn District, which is a hotspot for shopping and bars.

Harper is Home!

2009-08-28T09:04:00.002-05:00

I'm so happy for this family I can scarcely think of them without crying.

Too Cool for School?

2009-08-26T10:28:00.015-05:00

Photo: RJ with new friends. Will they be the next hot indie girl band? One can only hope.

Today we dropped a happy girl off for her third day of kindergarten. Rosemary enjoyed our walk to school, pointing out things she could name in English, including "flower," and "tall" (a tree). At the classroom door she accepted a kiss on the forehead, allowed us a tiny little grin, and headed on in.

As smooth as all this sounds, I should note that it took place after the abject failure of an earlier strategy to avoid going to school: nonviolent resistance. She pretended to be asleep when I opened her shutters, when I turned on her lamp, and even for awhile while I was changing her clothes. It took her dad popping in for a gentle tickle for her to finally give up the campaign.

After that, everything was pretty cool.

Sorry About the Old Picture

2009-08-25T22:15:00.007-05:00

Okay, she's only been with us 7.5 weeks, how old could it be? (I don't know, maybe 5 weeks?) But I figured if I waited to post until I had brand new pictures, it might be awhile. So on to the school update, I know some of you are waiting for that--she came out happy yesterday. Woke up sad today, refusing school. Lunged for her play clothes, instead of the remarkably-cute-considering-it-cost-$7 dress I had laid out. A standoff ensued.

But she went. And came out happy again today. Her teacher seems sweet. I'm sure it's only a matter of time until things normalize, school-wise. But I hate how much she is having to go through just now.

A Story in Pictures

2009-08-24T09:24:00.005-05:00

I harbor not-so-secret dreams of being a photojournalist. Or better yet, a backpack journalist, able to hop on a plane to cover a story anywhere around globe with just my video camera and laptop.

Obviously, now is not the season for that, as I am a little busy at home, and as I haven't even figured out how to keep the lens of my Nikon from fogging up as we exit our house for the saturated air of Houston in August (see photo above).

But I think I was able to capture in these photos a little of what happened today. As my brave kindergartener got closer and closer to the schoolhouse, she became less and less sure she wanted to be there. Above, she's watching her dad point out her name on her locker. Below, expressing displeasure at being photographed at such a moment.

As usual, her steely resolve to prosper in any situation prevailed, and she marched inside, hands on her hips, or at least that's how I remember her standing there--surveying the classroom she had been inside once before--when we skulked off to the parents' coffee in the cafeteria.

I bet she'll have a good day.

Flashback

2009-08-23T21:04:00.005-05:00

Rosemary has been with us seven weeks today, and things are changing fast around here. She's finally seeing fit to break out some English words and phrases--while still speaking lots of Chinese, thereby continuing our education in Mandarin, which we will formalize with family lessons sometime soon.

She's been swimming. She's met and made fast friends with her cousins. She's been to Target (see photo above). She's visited her new school and met her teacher, who she'll be spending all day with as of....

tomorrow.

Tomorrow she starts kindergarten, and she's looking forward to it. The "first day" outfit we selected together is on her bed, the Hello Kitty backpack is ready to go,and I've just about hacked my way through all the registration forms I need to fill out. It all seems a long way from the Poly Plaza Hotel in Beijing, getting our temperatures checked by the manager as part of their anti-swine-flu campaign. Which, of course it is.

Sorry I Haven't Written--We've Been Busy Integrating

2009-08-19T20:42:00.006-05:00

It's not always pretty, integrating a new family member, whether they be newborns (been there) or kindergarteners (now I've been there too). But it's happening, and for that we are thankful. Out of respect for her privacy, I probably won't be sharing many details of our daughter's adjustment process, except to say that she is doing great emotional work and we are proud of her**. Though these moments can be trying, most of the time she is still more fun than a barrel of monkeys, as I believe the kids are saying these days. Her toughness and spunky spirit are serving her well during this time of transition...

In other news: this morning Rosemary sent her brothers off to their first days of first and third grade, respectively. She looks forward to her first day of kindergarten at our neighborhood school on Monday, and when asked by an interpreting friend what she'd like to be called there, she chose Rosemary. So Rosemary it is, unless and until she changes her mind...

Oh, and what is she eating in this picture, you ask? Chicken noodle soup that she garnished with a bowlful of hardboiled eggs while I wasn't looking. Impressive.

**But if you are adopting/have adopted an older child and want to talk, email me.

Brunch

2009-08-16T09:23:00.008-05:00

My sister-in-law and her new husband are having us all over for brunch again. They are settling in to their lovely house and making the most of their new dining room set. This is an example I intend to follow once we are out of our temporary housing and into a place that has more dining room chairs than people living there.

I still haven't gotten used to the sheer numbers of people that surround our dinner table each night. Because we recently engaged an au pair to help us manage the hordes of children we now have, we are six for dinner almost every evening. That's up 50% from four for dinner, mere months ago. That's a lot of people to feed, and I love it when others participate in this feeding activity.

And when you add good company and conversation? Really, really love it.

Isn't it great to have family in town?

Rain

2009-08-13T21:01:00.005-05:00

Things in Houston have gone back to normal this week, with a couple of days of the summer afternoon thundershowers we are used to around here, but have been missing lo these last few months.
And this time, I got to sit on the front porch swing and watch them blow in with a newly minted Texan. She seemed startled at first, but then quickly developed an appreciation for the drastic change in the weather.
Please be aware, however, that our whole week has not been permeated with such cuteness. It has been a little rough. If you have kids, then my week has not been so unlike yours. But this was a fun afternoon.

PS: That stuff on her face is face paint from the children's museum.

Beating the Beijing Quarantine, Part II

2009-08-11T10:43:00.015-05:00

Part I is here.

So we decided to take the boys to Beijing with us and risk the quarantine. We implemented our own mini-quarantine the week before we left, keeping them home from day camps, playdates and whatnot to prevent them from picking up any bugs. Since what you really want while you're getting ready for a life-changing, 24-day trip to China is a couple of little boys running around underfoot.

But whatever, we got packed and made it onto the plane, armed with large amounts of Motrin on the advice of a doctor friend who said it was the best for masking symptoms of any illness we might develop en route to China. I was prepared to pass it out like party favors to anyone needing masking themselves.

As it happened, our cabin was largely empty (thanks for the upgrade miles, parents!) so we weren't sitting near too may other people, thereby decreasing the number of possible guilt-by-association contaminants. I started feeling pretty confident about our prospects, sure we were going to skate by.

The flight was as good as a 13-hour flight can be. Which is to say pretty darn good for a lazy person such as myself, whose highest aspiration is to be left alone so I can sit still and read things, and sometimes write things. Due to the video-and-games-on-demand at each seat on our huge Continental plane, I was able to do just that.

But an hour or so before we landed, the nerves returned. I started chatting up our flight attendant about what was going to happen. She described the masked, uniformed women who would board the plane, aim a thermometer gun at each of our foreheads, and escort anyone with an elevated temperature off to quarantine.

Wow, I said, that sounds scary. How often do they get someone?

Almost every flight, she said. One time they took a whole crew.

Oh okay, hi panic, welcome back! I've missed you!

So I panic, we take Motrin, we land in Beijing. The pilot announces that after landing we must remain in our seats while the Chinese government completes a "health survey," which will take about half an hour. While this is going on, we can busy ourselves completing our immigration forms, including an additional health form designed just for H1N1 purposes.

Soon after the doors open, half a dozen young women wearing the official health survey wardrobe enter the plane. They move quickly up and down the aisles. My son, who has hay fever, starts sneezing. I am woozy with dread. I'm wishing I had asked the flight attendant when in the process they remove you if you flunk the health survey. Right when they deem you dangerous? Or at the end? If they pass through our cabin without stopping, are we out of the woods, or not?

I don't think it was a whole 30 minutes, maybe more like 15, before the pilot announces, "The health survey is complete. Let's go!" with an excitement and enthusiasm I hadn't heard in his voice during the previous 13 hours of announcements.

We made it. Our entire plane was cleared to enter China. It wasn't the last time we had our temperature taken, though. Heat sensors in the airport re-scanned us, and we had our temperature taken twice in the lobby of our hotel by the manager. More on the surveillance strategies and information control policies of the Chinese government to come.

Unspeakably Sad

2009-08-11T09:58:00.005-05:00

A couple travels to China to adopt an adorable four year old girl, and after obtaining legal custody, she tests positive for TB and is denied entry into the US for 2-6 months.

At which point, because they have jobs and another child waiting at home, they are forced to leave her in China. With a kind family that they manage to scare up to care for her while they are at home.

Raising Devils has a good quick and dirty summary of why this is unbelievably unfair. This video of the little girl being separated from her daddy is one of the saddest things I have ever seen. He called it devastating, and it is. Don't watch if you don't want to be devastated.

The slightly good news is that the Washington Post ran a story about this family yesterday, and the AP has picked it up. To prevent this from happening to more families, urge your representatives in Congress to vote for the Foreign Adopted Children Equality (FACE) Act., S.1359, H.R.3110, which will give adopted children abroad immediate US citizenship.

Vignette

2009-08-10T10:29:00.000-05:00

Beating the Beijing Quarantine

2009-08-09T12:57:00.021-05:00

More catchup work today. The topic? The Beijing quarantine, which is now infamous among travelers to China, but about which I said little on this blog for a handful of different reasons.

Though I posted on the threat of a quarantine and linked to the related State Department warning, it was a cursory treatment and indicated nothing of the real threat I felt, nor of the miserable couple of days I went through trying to decide whether to expose our young boys to the threat of detention and forcible medical treatment by an authoritarian government.

Here's what happened. Eight days before we left to pick up our daughter, we got an email from our agency about the new State Department travel warning. The email started like this:

We wanted to update our families who will soon be traveling to China that the U.S. Department of State has issued the following travel alert for U.S. citizens preparing to travel to China:

Current quarantine measures in China include placing arriving passengers who exhibit fever or flu-like symptoms into seven-day quarantine. The selection process focuses on those sitting in close proximity to another traveler exhibiting fever or flu-like symptoms or on those displaying an elevated temperature if arriving from an area where outbreaks of 2009-H1N1 have occurred.

This means that if you are sitting near someone on the plane who has swine flu or even just a fever, they can detain you at the airport, or COME GET YOU FROM YOUR HOTEL for up to seven days after you land in China. I was already aware of this, as it had happened to another family who brought their kids to China and whose blog I was obsessively following.

But the State Department warning went even further than that, though at first I almost missed it. When you're adopting, you get so many red-tape related emails that it's easy to start skimming them. You're so busy, sometimes even very important details fall through the cracks. Details like this, which I grasped on my second or third read through:

In some instances, children have been separated from their parents because either the parent or the child tested positive for 2009-H1N1 and was placed in quarantine for treatment. This situation presents the possibility of Chinese medical personnel administering medications to minors without first having consulted their parents.

Oh, and just to up the ante a little bit, if your children are separated from you forcibly in China, the conditions may not be very salutary, and the U.S. government will not be able to help you:

The Department of State has received reports about unsuitable quarantine conditions, including the unavailability of suitable drinking water and food, unsanitary conditions, and the inability to communicate with others. The U.S. Embassy will be unable to influence the duration of stay in quarantine for affected travelers.

Oh, my word. I was sick. Literally nauseated. Immobilized. Berating myself for getting my family into what felt like a no-win situation. I didn't want to risk quarantine with the boys, but for their sake and for their new sister's, I didn't want to make this trip of a lifetime without them. There were no good options, but the more I agonized, the more clearly I realized: the only way out of this is through it. The only way to get everything we wanted was to aim high and persevere. We just had to keep going.

Check back tomorrow for Part II, in which we undergo the "Bejing health survey."

Pictures

2009-08-08T20:11:00.006-05:00

My littles and I had a nice time walking around the block tonight. Afterwards the light was just so, and JuenJuen was looking especially cute, so I thought I'd grab the camera for the first time in awhile and take a few shots.

Which she would have none of. She ran back in to get the video camera, and we had a face-off.

Every time I would try to bend over and get an angle on her face withouth her camera in it, she would do the same, ending in quite a fit of contortion for both of us.

So no glamour shots were taken. Eventually her brother got mad that he wasn't in on the action, and launched a bit of spittle our way. So in this manner our fun ended....

Staring Contest

2009-08-05T23:58:00.004-05:00

Apropos of nothing, the cheapest, funniest party concept ever.

Photo by Joana Goddard.

Summer Vacation

2009-08-05T22:13:00.009-05:00

I've read a few things lately about how summer vacation is an outmoded convention based on the work schedules of farming families, or some such. Opponents of the three-month vacation argue that students, especially those from low-income households whose parents can't afford enriching activities, lose too much ground over the summer. Proponents rightly wax poetic about the freedom of long summers spent relaxing with family and playing outdoors.

Well, here in Texas, we've got the relaxing with family thing down, but the playing outdoors? Unless you're dashing straight from your car into a swimming pool (one that is large and deep enough not to have been heated to bathwater-temps by the relentless sun), then no, we're not playing outdoors. And at the risk of being impolite, once you've relaxed with your nuclear family for eight straight weeks or so, mostly inside the confines of your own house, it gets just a little bit less relaxing.

So I've been daydreaming about a year-round school schedule, in which we could take breaks throughout the year, including during some times when we could actually enjoy the outdoors in our often lovely city. In the meantime, though, we've had to get creative with our air-conditioned entertainments.*

*Thanks to JuenJuen for creating this game, which is sure to sweep the nation. Better get a patent quick....

A Bit More About Scoliosis

2009-08-04T09:57:00.004-05:00

There are two kinds: congenital and ideopathic. We learned yesterday that Juen has the former kind, which is generally more difficult to treat. But not always; apparently it depends on the individual situation. Which we will know much more about post-MRI (see below). We're most likely looking at one surgery, followed by outpatient procedures every six months or so.

This picture was taken the same night we got home from China, sometime between 12 and 1 am. If you are from Texas, you might understand the joy that filled my heart as I saw her put on these vintage boots, which both my boys have worn in their turn. They've been sitting in the closet of our no-longer-spare bedroom, waiting for a beautiful little girl to come give them a third act. It only took about 3 hours for her to discover them and wrestle them on, right after she finished accessorizing her pajamas with a printed cotton dress and a tiara. That's my girl.

Scoliosis

2009-08-04T09:00:00.004-05:00

This week we're having JuenJuen's scoliosis assessed to figure out how we're going to treat it. Yesterday we met with her doctor, and were amazed when we discovered they could work us in the next day for the MRI and other scan she would need to determine the exact course of treatment. That's wonderful, I said, but we need a Mandarin translator. Can you get us one by 7 am tomorrow?

Yes, said the scheduler. Really? Yes, said the nurse I talked to next, who I checked with just to make sure. "The translator will follow you all the way through."

So we dragged her out of bed to get down to the med center by 7 am, which was sad and hard, as she guessed correctly that this was where we were bringing her, arrived at the hospital and can you guess what happened next?

No translator.

So we called our sweet friend and colleague Ann who did a little impromptu translating over the phone, even though I'm pretty sure we woke her up. Everything ended up going okay, considering. She is such a brave, brave little girl.

And now, since this has been a stressful week so far, a little comic relief:

Mama, Ko-a-la!

2009-07-31T21:06:00.003-05:00

First, let me offer my apologies to any speakers of Mandarin and writers of pinyin reading this blog. I am flying blind here and almost certainly getting this wrong. But above is my interpretation of the words I hear most from JuenJuen: Mama, come here!

This phrase sounds to me just like koala (the bear), but with the emphasis on the last syllable. She is a busy, busy girl, with easily as much energy as her brothers, so if I am not very close at hand when it's time to move on to the next activity, I hear it: ko-a-LA! And of coure I snap to. The thing she likes to summon me for most is a quick jaunt up and down the block on her brother's bike. Which has no training wheels, and as such needs some very substantial spotting to stay upright when she's riding it. Despite it being July in Houston, I oblige this request, as I find her persistence both charming and persuasive. So 3-5 times a day, I hear the ko-a-la, and wherever I am in the house, drop everything and head outside into the sweltering heat and humidity to lug a 4o pound child up and down the street. I'm always dripping by the time we're done.

I'm pretty sure the neighbors feel sorry for me.

Monkey Bars

2009-07-31T19:25:00.000-05:00

First Trip to the Park

2009-07-31T19:08:00.000-05:00

Hoping I Can Write More This Evening

2009-07-31T15:47:00.002-05:00

But until then, take this:

From the Hong Kong Airport.....

Sleepers.

2009-07-30T11:10:00.004-05:00

Last night all 3 kids slept through the night for the first time since we left China. (Their father didn't, but since I am legally obligated to love him I will let it slide this time.) It was perfect timing as five or six nights of seriously disturbed sleep had done its magic, turning me into a total you-know-what.

We had a very easy--as these things go--trip home, in which JuenJuen did tons of sleeping. Which meant when she got home she was in no mood to do so, and did not sleep AT ALL our first night here. Then she proceeded to pass out from about 8-3 the next day. Though each night things got better incrementally, it was not enough to keep me from going to the angry cranky mommy place. I remember this feeling of sleep deprivation from the baby years. After Joel was born I backed into the carport while looking right at it.

RJ is still just so fabulous, but the strain is showing in her as well as the other the kids. She does less rejecting of me (fewer other people to go to) than she did in China, but we're seeing more tantrums when she has to do something like stay at the dinner table when she doesn't feel like it. This is mitigated by the fact that her version of a tantrum is more modest than those my boys specialize in. Much less screaming and yelling, but more defiance and insolence, followed by a super-sad weepy period. At these times I'm thankful that I don't understand what she's saying.

Makes it easier not to get mad back.

Random Fish Frenzy (catch up post)

2009-07-28T23:06:00.003-05:00

Botanical Gardens in Guangzhou. Nice gardens, for some reason decorated with numerous 0ff-brand cartoon characters. Would have taken more pics there, but it was so regrettably hot. I did catch this cute father-daughter moment, though.....

The China Syndrome

2009-07-28T06:51:00.007-05:00

It has been brought to my attention by one of the most trusted advisors to the Axis (my husband) that readers of this blog could easily take away the impression that our trip to China was all hearts and flowers. That it was never hard, or frustrating or sad.

It was, at times. I'll get to that part later.

But by far, by a hundred miles, the saddest, hardest, most frustrating part of it all happened before we left. Call it the China Syndrome, if you're not afraid of cliche. Making the decision to do this thing, and then to get ready to actually go do it while undertaking a raft of other life-changing activities (starting a company, building a house, losing our elderly beagle), and it wasn't pretty. It was paralyzing.

Oh, and there were the two boys to take care of, and then the Beijing quarantine. And the boys vis-a-vis the Beijing quarantine. Would we get caught in the dragnet? Would I bring my children and my parents to the other side of the world, only to have them run afoul of an authoritarian regime, and detained? Again, I'll emphasize, those weeks before we went were not pretty.

During the flight over, though, I felt very at peace with our decision. Glad we were going, glad we had brought the whole family along to share in the adventure. Not worried about much of anything, except getting through the large pile of fashion magazines I'd brought to help me kill the 14 hours of the flight.

But moments before we landed, I started chatting with our flight attendant about the quarantine, and asked her how often they "got someone" and took them away. "Oh, it happens almost every flight," she said. "One time they got an entire crew."

Now I know this is not exactly a cliff hanger--we didn't get the big Q--but I'll save the story of the Bejiing "health survey" for an upcoming post.

(UPDATE: The chief adviser to the Axis has pointed out this post doesn't exactly deliver what it promised, which was to discuss some of the difficulties we have faced in this adoption process. Upon review I realized he's right, it tangented off into the quarantine thing. I'm going to plead jet lag on this one and fix it soon, OK?)

New Post Up on the Motherlode

2009-07-27T19:21:00.003-05:00

A great parenting blog by Lisa Belkin on the New York Times website.

Read it here.

We're Home

2009-07-27T10:19:00.010-05:00

As of about 9 pm last night, jet lagged but happy. I thought we were all going to get to sleep around midnight, when this little vision appeared at my bedside. At which point I realized the night was still young. She slept so much on the flights home, no wonder she was up most of last night. The rest of us got varying quantities of sleep, and are in varying states of body and mind today.

I hope to post some backlogged stuff from China this week, while also considering my future plans for the Axis. I know I want to keep going; but not sure exactly in what form.

(Please excuse the terrible quality of this video, it was midnight, I was groggy, and I couldn't get a good angle with the Flip. I know that thing is supposed to be idiot-proof, but I have problems with framing sometimes.)

A Day at the Beach

2009-07-26T21:57:00.011-05:00

Our last day in China was easily one of our best. After being underwhelmed by Guangzhou and Shamian Island, we were unprepared for the unique beauty of Hong Kong. Combine a great locale, hospitable hosts who tipped us off about a great beach, and our cozy hotel room overlooking the harbor, and we ended our trip on a high note.

This was our first-ever trip to Asia, and I was pretty ignorant about the topography of southern China. The rocky hills at the edge of the ocean reminded me of certain parts of Italy or Greece I've visited. It wasn't quite Ponza, but close enough--and enough of a surprise to remind me of the time I visited that island on a weekend jaunt from Rome, and was totally blindsided by its beauty.

The afternoon before, we took the tram ride up to Victoria Peak, which I can recommend if you're ever in the area. We breezed by the folks who wanted to take our photo for $180 HK, and instead JuenJuen took the above pic of me, Mark, and Clyde. Now I have 3 kids clamoring for my Nikon, instead of just two. But she actually snaps a good shot every now and then, so I guess I don't mind too much.

Mistakes Were Made

2009-07-25T05:42:00.007-05:00

The other day I decided to do JuenJuen's hair, instead of letting her run around wearing about 20 self-applied elastics and hair clips for the third or fourth day in a row. We had had a nice time picking out some new hair adornments the night before (and if you've seen any of our gotcha day pics, you know she loves those), and I thought it was time she once again had a proper hairdo. She wanted to keep jurisdiction over any and all hair accessories. I insisted on playing a role.

It was too soon. The episode ended with her in a sobbing mess and me hating myself for my bad judgment. We all recovered, but it took awhile. Just so you know things aren't perfect around here...

Building Up A Place of Civilization With Civilized Behaviour

2009-07-24T00:44:00.001-05:00

Sign spotted in the Hong Kong airport.

Yesterday

2009-07-23T01:17:00.001-05:00

An historic solar eclipse, and Clyde's 8th birthday. Geez Louise, when are things going to slow down around here?

The Red Couch

2009-07-23T00:51:00.004-05:00

I've edited down my red couch photos from about 100 to more like 50. They are almost all this cute, or cuter. What the heck am I going to do with them all? Wallpaper the bathroom? Can't do that. I already picked out the new bathroom wallpaper. It's this, but in hot pink.

About the Comments on my New York Times Motherlode Post

2009-07-21T20:36:00.008-05:00

I haven't read them.

(If you are new to this thread, start here.)

I have this thing about anonymous creeps who post ugly things on the Internet: I am not interested in their opinions. Which has always been the case, but this adoption has caused me to pare down my list of things worth worrying about, and I've pretty much got it down to two: family life and writing. There are many things you can read that will make you a better parent and a better writer, but the opinions of random strangers on how one should conduct one's family life are not among them.*

Perhaps under other circumstances I might have checked out the comments, just to see what was going on over there. But I was warned, you see, by my husband, a dedicated reader of comments on the websites he frequents, and by Lisa Belkin herself, who seems to be a most kind and humane person. Their warnings suggested to me that I shouldn't give these folks access to my consciousness at such an important time in our lives.

So I promptly forgot about the whole issue and returned to focusing on the only two things I have time for, as listed above--mostly the first one. But while I was parenting, something unexpected happened: friends, acquaintances and even perfect strangers, outraged by the few commenter creeps, all jumped to my defense.

I want everyone, including those who took the time to comment over at Motherlode, to know that I am most encouraged by your support. As a wise friend wrote to me after this dustup first occurred, "Parenting ideology divides." That it does. I'm pretty sure we here on the Axis, and you out there supporting us, are on the right side of this one.

So thanks, friends, for everything. I love everybody, especially you.

Photo by Flickrer CiroNT.

*There are surely a few exceptions that prove this rule, and if you have constructive thoughts about older child/international adoption based on professional expertise or personal experience, I would love to hear them. Comment here or email me.

Cute Photo Day

2009-07-21T08:03:00.005-05:00

Not time for much commentary today. Well, technically I guess there is time, but I'm going to spend it on Scrabble instead of here. Sorry. I do have some cute photos, with captions. There were more, but I'll save them for later.

Siblings in pajamas. They are cotton, and I got them here (go see; profits go to chairty).

Brothers acting up; sister being cool.

JuenJuen loves teens, be they Chinese, American, or what have you. Bodes well for babysitters back home.

Bubble queen at the Guangzhou botanical gardens.

Five more days 'till we're home. Good night.

102 Degrees in the Shade

2009-07-20T04:02:00.001-05:00

The kids got their vaccinations on Saturday. According to the Hague Convention on Intercountry Adoption, which we are among the first group of families to be subject to, JuenJuen had to receive 3 vaccinations. (The Hague kids under the age of 5 had to get six shots each, so we ended up counting ourselves lucky.) Ever since she has been running a fever off and on, and is far from her exuberant, sassy self. We miss her! And I certainly miss leaving the room for meals, as we laid low all day yesterday and did the room service thing. Today she was well enough to join in the morning outing to the pearl market, but crashed afterward. Tomorrow we're supposed to visit a botanical garden; we'll see which of us makes it there.

Boys Need Yoga Too!*

2009-07-18T08:45:00.004-05:00

Greetings from the Pearl River Delta, or thereabouts.

Depending on who you are, you may know the southern China city of Guangzhou (formerly Canton) for one of two things. If you are a business type, you will know it as one of the epicenters of China's manufacturing boom. As I sit here on the 22nd floor of our hotel looking out over the city, I'm wondering just how much of the cr*p we buy back home is being made in the hinterlands just beyond the horizon, even as I write.

Or if you are Chinese-adoption minded, you will of course know that all Chinese adoptees bound for America must pass though Guangzhou, where the American consulate process all such cases, and issues the travel visa that attaches to their Chinese passports. US passports cannot be issued until the children receive citizenship in their first US airport stop.

Which brings us to the White Swan Hotel. We arrived there late last night, after a three-hour flight from Beijing that JuenJuen aced, thereby fitting right in with the boys who have always been excellent travelers. For as long as I've been contemplating this China adoption thing (which is six years, BTW), I've read on the blogs about the White Swan Hotel. A five-star on Guangzhou's Shamian Island, it's a refuge for families exhausted from their sojourns to pick up their children in China's various provinces, where English is scarce, air conditioning and Internet access can be hard to come by, and all the pottys are of the squatty variety.

"We made it to the White Swan!" is their refrain, and they praise the buffet breakfast, which has both Chinese options for their new children, and American choices galore for those who are *done* experimenting with food. So when we rolled into breakfast this morning, and saw the sea of adoptive families tucking into their meals, it felt a little bit like meeting a celebrity. The legendary White Swan buffet was before me. And I had.....two cups of coffee, a chocolate chip muffin, and a hard boiled egg. There were two reasons for this. First, I was up and down half a dozen times with JuenJuen: filling her plate, taking her to the potty, and darting off to check out the koi pond. Second, I just didn't know where to start. It was intimidating.

Our experience is not exactly like that of families who have been out in the provinces, as our daughter is from Beijing so we were able to spend all of our time there up to now, and are not as of yet terribly road-weary. But we were indeed thrilled to enjoy a little bit of western resort-style relaxation by the pool today, where RJ had a glorious introduction her future life as a Texas child in the summer. She spent hours in the pool, and could have spent more, had it not been getting on towards happy hour. But don't worry. We're ditching sightseeing tomorrow, so we can head back down and start her working on blowing bubbles.

*I have seen at least two women here wearing T-shirts bearing this exhortation. I just thought you should know.

Okay, so it wasn't really called Art City.

2009-07-17T01:25:00.002-05:00

But that's what I still think of it as.

We spent two afternoons this week visiting Beijing's 798 art zone, which was amazing. There must have been hundreds of galleries in an area of somewhat less than a square mile, that as I understand it have sprung up around a couple of major Chinese contemporary art institutions.

I'll have lots more to share on all this when I have full access to my technology (sorry I have to keep saying that). In the meantime, a few pics from our time there.

Chinese Cartoons are Fun

2009-07-16T21:13:00.002-05:00

Photos by RJ.

Welcome to the Jungle

2009-07-16T08:18:00.002-05:00

My parents fly home tomorrow.

I'm not sure whether I've thoroughly explained how, for the two weeks we've been in China, my firstborn child (who will turn 8 next week) has been bunking and spending lots of time with his grandparents. In fact, we call their room downstairs from ours Mimi and Granddaddy U.,
as in University, because it's the longest he's ever spent sleeping apart from the nuclear family. He's been having a blast by all accounts, greeting the dawn with my dad, reading the paper, playing video games that wouldn't make it past the mom filter, etc.

And we have been very happy for him.

Therefore, up until now, having three kids has been more like having 2.5, as Clyde has had an alternate set of parents to check in with at any time we deemed it desirable. But tomorrow Mimi and Granddaddy return to Houston, and the whole 3 kids thing will begin in earnest.

Several hours after their departure, we will head for the airport as well, flying down to Guangzhou in southern China, a place about which I know way too much from reading adoption blogs. With THREE CHILDREN.

I promise extensive scoop on Guangzhou and the White Swan Hotel when we get there, and have had a chance to scope things out.

I think I may have said this before, but let me emphasize it: three is a lot of children. I am nervous. However, all of my particular children are smart, cute, and relatively well-behaved, so I think we'll probably be okay. I'll let you know on the flip side.

And before I go, a few parting reflections on Beijing:

Almost all the taxis are VW Jettas, of a similar vintage to the one I drove in high school.
"Blue sky days" are in short supply. More on that later.
Like Houston, or any other big city I guess, good restaurants, shopping, etc. are to be found here, it just takes a little doing to find them.
Beijing duck lives up to its reputation.

JuenJuen Visits Art City

2009-07-16T03:28:00.000-05:00

Full report to come....

In Case You're New to the Axis

2009-07-15T03:01:00.001-05:00

This is just a note to remind everyone that I'm posting by email right now, because bl**ger is not accessible where we are. Which apparently means that many of my attached photos aren't coming through, and I can't post video like I had hoped.

It kills me not knowing how the blog is looking at this crucial time, but keep posting I must. I look forward to getting everything fixed up nice and neat upon our return (which is in 11 days, but it's not like I'm counting).

Just for kicks, I'll include a photo chosen more or less randomly, to see if it goes through.

The Pictures I Didn't Get Today

2009-07-14T20:21:00.003-05:00

I took them in my mind, and they were beautiful. But I just didn't have access to the camera at some key moments, so they remain only in memory. What's that you say? You are a writer, describe them?

Well since you put it that way, okay, I'll try.

My favorite was Rosemary Juen "reading" Hop on Pop to herself over the table at our restaurant at lunch. We pounced on that blue cover with the familiar red-lettered title when we found it last night at the Bookworm English bookstore. We are a very dedicated Dr. Seuss family--I consider being able to share my favorite children's books one of the chief rewards of
motherhood--and the sight of her intently poring over the book, following the words with her fingers, was one I hope I never forget. It reminded me that one day she will be a more fully integrated part of our family, no longer striving to surmount a language divide. She
has such a fun personality; I hate having such limited access to it.

The next mental picture is of a beach ball game in a hotel vestibule. Having no yard for three kids ages six and seven is a real bummer. I learned that lesson last year when we lived in a patio home, but at least that place had (obviously) a patio. So when we realized we could make the 100 square feet or so in front of our hotel floor's elevator bank into a mini play yard, we were justifiably excited. Joel, RJ and I kicked and threw and rolled a beach ball around until I was sure they were going to round us up for disorderly conduct. The picture I wish I'd snapped was her face each time I threw the ball higher than her head. Pure happiness. If the ball came to her at eye level or lower, well then, just regular happiness.

PS: Today we did each other's nails. Bright pink polish and I forgot to bring the polish remover. The results weren't so pretty.

Rookie mistake.

Evening Chill

2009-07-13T18:51:00.001-05:00

Reality is finally setting in around here. After an almost flawless first week, JuenJuen is getting a little more real with us, which is a good thing.

Though I'm glad to have had the smooth introduction to our sweet girl, my early suspicions are now confirmed: no kid can be that perfect indefinitely. (Motherlode readers, I wrote the post that just went up there there a couple of days ago, before things took a slight left turn.)

JuenJuen, while still mostly happy and fun-loving, seems a little less thrilled by all of us than she was last week. She is starting to let some of the stress of this enormous change show--engaging in a lot of testing behavior, and letting up on the orderly perfectionism that she showed at the beginning.

She is also developing a more intense desire to be around the other little girl in our group. If she is nearby, JuenJuen is always dragging me by the hand trying to catch up with her--which diminishes the enjoyment of seeing major world historical sites such as the Great Wall.

Despite the fact that I'm a bit more exhausted now from the limit-setting and the friend-chasing, we are still having a lot of fun getting to know our new daughter. She has learned her brothers' names, and I've heard another English word or two creeping in around the
edges, my favorite of which so far is "coffee."

And after a semi-stressful day today, her dad and I left the brothers with the grandparents and took her out to hit an expat bookstore (Beijing Bookworm) and have dinner at our home away from Beijing home, the Opposite House. (My parents' home away from home here is the Swissotel, where they make proper cocktails in the lounge and have a beer garden I want us to try ASAP.) We all had fun, and it was nice to have the time alone with her.

Tomorrow marks the halfway point in our trip.

Guest Posting on Motherlode Again Today

2009-07-13T18:00:00.002-05:00

Read it here.